By Ebenezer T. Bifubyeka
IT’S noon. Time for discharging a herd of bleating goats in the pen. I hurry to evacuate them. They all haste to the entrance and stare at me. Goats are dumb. But I can read the message from their mercy-radiating eyes that they want to go and graze.
Perhaps you’ve ever seen horse-racing; these goats rush out at a vehement speed like the race-horses setting off from the paddock! This is a similar ardent condition that clergies’ children develop over harsh restrictions against socialisation.
The ‘imbalance’ between “don’ts” and “dos” in most pietistic homes cannot grant children a right to fraternise with the community. This prohibition from socialising has proved to be the root cause of more harm than good in many sacred families.
Research carried out from some families of “saved” (born-again) Christians and clergies; indicates that the sons and daughters in such homes are confined at home throughout the week. They are released on Sundays for prayers - that are compulsory.
These children verify Plato’s philosophic theory that ‘politics commence from home!’ “It is in our ‘home constitution’ that we must NOT go out for night discos, parties, outings, videos and worst of all, casual day visits! Is this fair?” one child claims.
Rachael, 15, laments, “Imagine, on New Year’s Day, I asked my Dad {one Pastor} to go and attend my friend’s (a girl) birthday. He barked at me; ‘don’t deceive me; you’re going to meet your boys!’ I even dodged his slap!” she says.
Holding constant whatever suspicions Rachael’s father had in mind, he should know that continuous ban of Rachael from socialising, creates curiosity that may result into danger when she becomes permissive later! How can Rachael’s father handle his suspicions?
My school of thought advises all “savedees” to analyse and internalise the anecdote about goats at the beginning of this commentary. My interviewees emphasise that; ‘Children under such domestic restrictions are more likely to behave like the said goats, when freed.’
Using Mbarara as a case study, many children of bishops, canons, reverends and lay readers are evidently slaves of alcohol, ‘leisure sex’ and other transgressions. Unimaginable! Their daughters have fallen victims of unwanted pregnancies!
Putting that aside, a certain 39-year-old son of a bishop I won’t mention, has won a reputation of becoming a notorious drunkard! This disrespectful dipsomaniac forcefully asks his mum to offer a few shillings for booze every evening! It’s abominable!
In the book entitled, “A Living Testimony” written by the late Matsiko M. Bifubyeka (1995), it is noted that him plus family colleagues were nurtured in a way he describes as ‘a bit boring.’ “I slowly became unchristian because of the following ‘daily’ rites.”
““Everyday, the Biblical messages and passages were read, the creed and the glory were recited. At the end of all this, the many “don’ts” would be emphasised: “…Never write to girls or boys, my children, Never walk with boys if you are a girl.
“Never walk with girls, my boys, they are serpents. Do not play with so and so’s children, for they are bad omen,” he recollects.” Matsiko narrates that children of Christians are often led astray by their efforts to discover the allegories their friends often tell them.
IT’S noon. Time for discharging a herd of bleating goats in the pen. I hurry to evacuate them. They all haste to the entrance and stare at me. Goats are dumb. But I can read the message from their mercy-radiating eyes that they want to go and graze.
Perhaps you’ve ever seen horse-racing; these goats rush out at a vehement speed like the race-horses setting off from the paddock! This is a similar ardent condition that clergies’ children develop over harsh restrictions against socialisation.
The ‘imbalance’ between “don’ts” and “dos” in most pietistic homes cannot grant children a right to fraternise with the community. This prohibition from socialising has proved to be the root cause of more harm than good in many sacred families.
Research carried out from some families of “saved” (born-again) Christians and clergies; indicates that the sons and daughters in such homes are confined at home throughout the week. They are released on Sundays for prayers - that are compulsory.
These children verify Plato’s philosophic theory that ‘politics commence from home!’ “It is in our ‘home constitution’ that we must NOT go out for night discos, parties, outings, videos and worst of all, casual day visits! Is this fair?” one child claims.
Rachael, 15, laments, “Imagine, on New Year’s Day, I asked my Dad {one Pastor} to go and attend my friend’s (a girl) birthday. He barked at me; ‘don’t deceive me; you’re going to meet your boys!’ I even dodged his slap!” she says.
Holding constant whatever suspicions Rachael’s father had in mind, he should know that continuous ban of Rachael from socialising, creates curiosity that may result into danger when she becomes permissive later! How can Rachael’s father handle his suspicions?
My school of thought advises all “savedees” to analyse and internalise the anecdote about goats at the beginning of this commentary. My interviewees emphasise that; ‘Children under such domestic restrictions are more likely to behave like the said goats, when freed.’
Using Mbarara as a case study, many children of bishops, canons, reverends and lay readers are evidently slaves of alcohol, ‘leisure sex’ and other transgressions. Unimaginable! Their daughters have fallen victims of unwanted pregnancies!
Putting that aside, a certain 39-year-old son of a bishop I won’t mention, has won a reputation of becoming a notorious drunkard! This disrespectful dipsomaniac forcefully asks his mum to offer a few shillings for booze every evening! It’s abominable!
In the book entitled, “A Living Testimony” written by the late Matsiko M. Bifubyeka (1995), it is noted that him plus family colleagues were nurtured in a way he describes as ‘a bit boring.’ “I slowly became unchristian because of the following ‘daily’ rites.”
““Everyday, the Biblical messages and passages were read, the creed and the glory were recited. At the end of all this, the many “don’ts” would be emphasised: “…Never write to girls or boys, my children, Never walk with boys if you are a girl.
“Never walk with girls, my boys, they are serpents. Do not play with so and so’s children, for they are bad omen,” he recollects.” Matsiko narrates that children of Christians are often led astray by their efforts to discover the allegories their friends often tell them.
“This is because their parents never let them go and learn about societies around them, or tell them the truth in matters of language, traditional traits and body growth. When they sneak out, they fall victims of smoking, sexual abuse, alcohol…” he writes.
Matsiko, a son to ‘born-again’ parents emphasises that children from Christian families are often turned off by their parents’ forceful preaching, which is characterised by so many “don’ts” without a single “do.”
“Consequently, children lose interest in Christianity especially when they see faults in their parents’ deeds. Obviously their ‘saved’ parents make misdeeds - being human beings that are ‘tempt-able.’ Sometimes, pompous parents refuse to apologise to their children.”
“Such sinful parents expect their children to always apologise to elders! Hence the common saying of ‘do as I say but not as I do’ is upheld! Sometimes this prompts children to turn their backs from ‘saved’ parents’ faith and jump out of the gates,” he says.
Matsiko stresses that such desperate children are zealous to “enjoy” and compensate what they had been prevented from enjoying for many years – during their childhood. “These children therefore jump out like a caged animal jumping out of the zoo!” he tells.
The retired bishop of west Ankole diocese, Rt. Rev. Yoram Bamunoba confirms that extreme restrictions in Christian families can finally cause danger! He says children from holy homes are looked at as beneficiaries of their parents’ spiritual sermons and teachings.
“When an opportunity comes and they go to the world outside, the world tests them against the things they are supposed to hate. These children are human beings – born with hereditary sin. This inner sin leads them to the testing,” he explains.
Mzee Bamunoba adds that the things children do are not of their choice but the choice of their inner forces as they respond to the tests of the flesh, the world and the devil. “This is a reflection of what we read in the Bible; Romans 7:19-20,” he discloses.
Romans 7:19-20 reads: “I don’t do the good I want to do; instead, I do the evil that I do not want to do. If I do what I don’t want to do, this means that I am no longer the one who does it; instead, it is the sin that lives in me.”
Therefore, as Christian parents and guardians, we need to educate our children rather than preaching to them. The mere imposition of restrictions against socialisation - besides many don’ts - infringe on children’s rights. We should allow children to socialise; but sensitise them them about values, benefits and dangers of socialisation and interaction.
Ends
Word count: 972.
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